My Worst Fear (or Fears)

There was a tragic story on the news last night about a local man who forgot about his little boy in his car seat when he went into work. The little boy died and the father now faces ten years in prison. Evan suffocating in the car is one of my worst fears--the day I freaked out in the Safeway parking lot is proof. I can't imagine how awful the dad must feel. An article in the Washington Post said that since 1998, more than 376 children across the country have died after being left in hot vehicles. I've heard that this has increased with rear-facing child safety seats, since parents can't see the child. I made it a point to always check the car seat, even when I knew Evan wasn't with me just to get in the habit. Before Evan went to daycare, I was leaving him home, so it wasn't as big of a worry. But now that I'm dropping him off in the mornings, I'm going to be even a little more paranoid than usual.

I have tons of fears that revolve around Evan. So many that I'm surprised I can even get out of bed in the morning (then again, I did read that article about the toxic chemicals in mattresses, so I should, in fact, leap out of bed). I worry that Evan will drown, choke on a grape, touch a hot pan, fall down the stairs, poke out his eye, need stitches, get a sunburn, get a rug burn, get pushed on the playground, swallow bleach, get into medicines, inhale dry cleaning chemicals that linger on clothes, develop autism from watching t.v., chip a tooth, chip a nail, stub a toe, smash a finger...the list goes on and on. I think my hair gets more and more grey every day. I hope all moms are this paranoid. Not that is good for us all to be neurotic, but at least it means we're all in the same boat.

A Rough Day...

Evan started daycare yesterday and we've both been having a rough time the past few days. I was relieved when the daycare got him in early (he was scheduled to start in August). But, when I picked him up yesterday at 5:30...well, let's just say it probably would have hurt me less if I'd cut my arm off with a dull knife. Evan was standing in the middle of the room crying with a little bit of a bloody nose. I know kids get bumps and fall down, but I was so upset. Ugh!

This morning, he did fine for the first two minutes while I was signing him in. But when I said goodbye, he turned beet red, scrunched up his face and started to cry. Oh...the heartache. I kept my door closed at work today because I kept bursting into tears. I picked Evan up early today at 3:00, but we couldn't go home because I had locked myself out of the house this morning (luckily Evan was with me and not inside when that happened--and I was actually locked out--I tried ALL the doors this time. The other good thing was that I had already loaded ). I'm a little frazzled, what can I say. So, on the bright side, we hit McDonalds and munched on apple dippers (and, yes, maybe a few fries--never thought I'd be THAT mom). Luckily, our neighbor who has our spare key got home a little early tonight.

All of the turmoil over the last few months have made me decide I really need to make some changes. I'm working on a plan...I'll keep you posted!

They Call the Thing Rodeo

On our final day in Canada, we took Evan to his first rodeo--The Calgary Stampede. There are so many things I love about rodeos. I think it probably all stems back to when I was little and two of my older brothers competed. I loved watching them ride. Kirt rode bareback and K.C. rode bulls. I remember holding the program in my hands--the butterflies building in my stomach until it was their turn. I thought they were real-life celebrities when the announcer would say their names. I know it is impossible to hold your breath and cheer at the same time, but it always felt like I did.

The best rodeos back then were always the ones in or near my hometown because not only would we get to watch Kirt and K.C. ride, they'd also "crash" at our house with all of their rodeo buddies. After all the extra beds were taken, they'd each pick out a parcel of floor in our family room. You couldn't walk in there without stepping on someone.

Even before my fascination with pro rodeos, my brothers and I would create our own living room versions. We captured some of the highlights on film. Polaroid pictures were big in my family in the 80s and while they may have offered instant gratification, they haven’t stood the test of time. But even though they're grainy, the photos are still worth a laugh.



Check out my chaps emblazoned with my initials. That's right--MJ--I was big time. This particular ride was at our family Christmas party with all my aunts, uncles and cousins watching in the background. My brother, Duane, was the bull. And to think other families gather around the piano to sing Christmas carols.

This picture shows me getting bucked off "Bad Jack," according to the note on the back of the photo. No chaps needed for that ride. Just plain, stark-white undies.

K.C. was also my tame horse who I named Shaggy.

He would let me saddle him up with a bridle and would willingly hang out in the stable I made for him out of our sofa cushions. I would bring him slices of oranges and water. I think he was just bribing me, though. After we were done playing rodeo, he would draft a note that said, “Please sell my daughter one can of Copenhagen,” sign my dad’s name to it and then send me into the local convenience store. The clerks thought nothing of selling chewing tobacco to a five year old, who in turn took it to her underage brother. (I think K.C. started living the rodeo lifestyle long before he ever entered a rodeo).

I know several animal rights groups are opposed to rodeos, but I don't think anything could ever change how much I love them. I was happy we got to take Evan to his first rodeo, but it occurred to me that he will probably never love it like I do. He will grow up in the city and he'll probably think of rodeos as something we go to once a year or one of those weird shows his mom watches on T.V. (yes--I watch rodeos on T.V. when I can find them).

It is amazing when you think back to all the little things that happen along the way that shape who you are. As a mom, it is exciting and scary to think about how saying yes to one thing but no to another will affect the man Evan becomes. I'm sure, thirty years from now, he'll pull out one of the many photos I've taken over the years, point to it and say, "See. This explains it all. I can't help it. This is why I am who I am." Just like I do with my grainy rodeo pics.

If I Had a Nickle

Let me tell you--if I had a nickle for every time Bryan and I had this argument, I would be a VERY rich woman: http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/15851207/detail.html. It is comforting to see we're not alone.

Procrastination

We arrived home on Saturday completely exhausted. They say getting there is half the fun, but getting home took its toll on Evan. He was tired from our week of adventure and didn't enjoy the plane rides home. Mid flight he had a complete and total meltdown. After a flight attendant came to see "how she could help," we got Evan some milk and he finally fell asleep. Whew! He had a break down on the second flight, too, but it was much shorter in duration and there was no one next to us. Thank heaven for small mercies.

We got home, ate dinner and hit the sack. (By the way--I still plan to post about Days 2-7 of the trip, but all those pictures are on Bryan's computer and I can't write about our adventures without including photos). There was plenty to do on Sunday, but since I'd rather do almost anything that clean, do laundry or go grocery shopping, I decided Evan and I should bake a cake! Nothing fancy--just a cake mix, but I thought he needed something fun. He loves to stand in his learning tower and help me cook.

I poured the cake mix into the bowl and went to the fridge to retrieve three eggs. I did this with my back completely to Evan since he always thinks eggs are balls and wants to play with them. I cracked each egg into a bowl. I was very proud of how well I blocked the egg cracking from Evan's view. Hmmm...I should have realized that since he couldn't see me, I couldn't see him! I turned around and this is what I saw:

I snapped a few pictures before cleaning him up. I threw the shirt in the wash last night. I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to get all the chocolate out! I think my procrastination tactic backfired since it resulted in more cleaning and more laundry! But, we had fun and Evan now officially loves chocolate.

Paparazzi

Bryan, Evan and I got our first (and probably our only) taste of what it must be like to live like stars. Evan garnered the attention of about thirty foreign tourists who went crazy over what a little cutie he is. It all started when Bryan and Evan posed for this picture.

Then, a group of tourists walked by and stopped to take pictures of Evan. Then they started getting their pictures WITH Evan. Evan seemed a little surprised at first, but he adjusted quickly. He smiled and blew kisses to the ladies, which made them SQUEAL!!! At first, I just watched in amazement, laughing at how out of control things had gotten. I finally grabbed the camera to capture what I could of the whole spectacle.

Honestly, the pictures do not do it justice. A clerk from the gift shop actually walked out to see if someone famous was there. I know my face was red, although I'm not quite sure why I was embarrassed. The same thing happened on a much smaller scale as we were leaving. This time, I finally grabbed the video camera to capture a bit of the chaos. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Throwing Rocks

I started this blog to help me remember the day-to-day moments that pass by so quickly and are easy to forget. I sat down at the end of our first day, even though I was completely pooped, to get down all the things we had done so I wouldn't forget anything. But, as I went to bed that night, I realized I had left off one of the best things I had done that day. It didn't cost a dime and it wasn't on our agenda. I didn't even take a picture of it, but I want to always remember how much fun Evan and I had throwing rocks.

Evan loves balls and, in his mind, anything not square is a ball. He thought he had hit the jackpot when he saw the bed of river rocks that sits just outside the railing of the small back porch of the condo we're staying in. He took me by the hand and led me to the porch. Then, he stood at the railing saying ball and pointing to the rocks. I would reach through the bars of the railing and gather up a handful. He would laugh so hard when I handed him the rocks. Then, he'd throw them back out into the bed and point to them until I handed them back. I laughed each time I handed him a pile. We threw rocks for hours that day and for hours each day since. I'm always going to remember this as the trip when Evan discovered rocks.

We have thrown rocks in several places, graduating from the simple railing on the porch. Evan's favorite place to throw rocks has been Johnson Lake inside of Banff. There was a perfect bridge where Evan could stand and throw rocks into the water below.

He would laugh so hard when he'd see the splash. The whole family joined in the fun, gathering up rocks so Evan would have plenty to throw. We considered filling a bag with the nice round rocks from the condo, but we decided not to. Bryan and my dad were the main rock hunters, bringing back stones that were small enough to fit in Evan's hands, yet large enough they would make a visible splash.

Today we made our final trip to Johnson Lake to let Evan have a final hurrah. It has been chilly most times when we've been at the lake. Today it was hot, so for a grand finale, we took off our shoes and dipped our toes in the water.

If I could only take one memory home from this vacation, it would be the sound of Evan's laugh when he picked up a new rock. That and the sound of all of us laughing at the smile this silly little game brought to Evan's face.